A Little Overwhelmed

Yesterday I began reading Wendell Berry's, "Sex,Economy,Freedom,&Community". Okay, I became a little overwhelmed. The overwhelmed feeling did not come from the amount of content or its structure(okay so maybe the amount of content is a little overwhelming), but rather the feeling of responsibility(Ignorance truly is bliss). The more I read(chp1 Conservation and Local Economy) the heavier the weight became. What could a stay at home mom do with this kind of information? Needless to stay, I put the book down in mid chapter, hopefully to be picked back up today.

The quote that made me want to read more:

The great obstacle is simply this: the conviction that we cannot change because we are dependent on what is wrong. But that is the addict's excuse and we know that it will not do.... We can ally ourselves with those things that are worthy: light,air,water,earth; plants and animals; human families and communities; the traditions of decent life, good work, and responsible thought; the religious traditions; the essential stories and songs.

-Wendell Berry

First Haircut

BEFORE

AFTER

It's News To Me

Food, our family's new frontier.

Growing up food was something that was strictly functional, a means to an end. Being the youngest of 7 and now the mother of two, I understand why it played such a role in my home while growing up. However, increasingly I've desired more (and I don't mean calories). What am I experiencing when it comes to food? It seems to me that we've become a society of busy bees and have allowed important aspects of our culture to slowly fade away. When it comes to our food we want it quick, easy, and no mess (I understand that; I'm a mom of two boys). But when we choose those things what is ultimately the outcome, an unhealthy, disconnected, and (probably) wasteful family? As I write this I definitely would not exclude myself from those possible outcomes.

If you were to ask, "Who is the cook in your family?" my answer is always, "Barry of course." I would not call myself a cook. Maybe a food warmer or food burner in training, but not a cook (at least not the Martha Stewart type). But I've got to say there is something to a great meal, the look, smell, and taste. Did I just say that? Isn't food supposed to be only functional. Ok, I digress. Over the last several months I've recognized that there was real joy in cooking. The idea that I could create something strictly to please someone else and see it as a service to that person was a complete turn around in my thinking. I love the idea of service through food (now I need to remember that when my 4 yr old whines and complains about what is on his plate).

Where I buy my food, does that matter? One of my very favorite places to shop is Trader Joes. (If your from Texas and your reading this you won't have any idea what I'm talking about.) Trader Joes is a small grocery store (when I say small, I mean small-maybe 8 aisles) that sells primarily organic foods. I love this store because of its small town feel (the kind of place "where everyone knows your name"). I guess they knew there were people like myself out there-in search of that "locally owned" small town experience. Well, unfortunately Trader Joes is not locally owned; it originates somewhere on the east coast. However that leads me to my next point, locally owned or produced. I love the idea (you see that I use that a lot, I'm working on these ideals) of knowing the farmer. I still think there is something noble about being a farmer. I can't imagine how many spiritual lessons one learns when farming. As Americans we have a disconnect when it comes to our food. It either magically appears on our tables or in the enormous chain grocery stores. After my husband's urging I started reading, Crunchy Cons by Rod Dreher. It seems like a good book with well thought out ideas. The chapter that caught my attention was on food. In this chapter he highlights a farmer by the name of Robert Hutchins, an organic livestock farmer who lives with his wife and 12 kids (oh my goodness!) near Greenville, Tx. I immediately was struck by this farmers story, a CEO turned organic farmer. He left the business world to pursue what he felt was his "calling". According to Hutchins, "..we look at it(organic farming) as honoring God's creation and restoring it to its fullest." He also added as evangelical Christians,"we try to align our lives with what we understand from Scripture would be a God-honoring lifestyle." This was extremely exciting to me, someone who was serving others for the sake of serving and honoring God. I love this idea and hope that our family can connect on this level. (By the way, we'll probably be making that Trader Joe run in next couple of days, but I guess you've got to start somewhere, a move from the big chain to the small chain) For those from the DFW area, the Hutchins farm is Texas Supernatural Meats and can be found at the Dallas Farmers Market.

I love to sit down an eat dinner with my family. To some people this may seem like pure misery and chaos(and many nights that's what it is for us) but we try to persist. A few months ago I attended a women's retreat and the speaker for the weekend was Mimi Wilson. Mimi served with her husband as missionaries for nine years in Ecuador. She did a fantastic job of reminding us or even teaching us the importance of the "table" in the home. For her dinner was a time to reconnect, have a healthy meal, and tune out the rest of the world. Not only was it a time to reconnect with family but also friends. I love the idea of friends and family gathering around a table, eating good food, and having good conversation (Barry if your reading this, my birthday is right around the corner, so a big table would be great.). Sitting around the table is something new for our generation, but it's something that certainly should not be lost. One of my husband's fondest memories was the time he shared with his grandparents on their farm. His grandparents and there close friends would spend time around a table telling old family stories that he now loves to quote. Our son Will loves to hear "old" stories and can't seem to get enough and he also likes to try and start a little of his own conversation during dinner. Our hope is to continue our time around the table. Staying connected to our family and friends in the present and our family from the past is something very important to us.

When I think of food I'm beginning to see it so differently now. It is something that can be used to serve and honor God.

The Three R's

The other day I heard Will singing. At first I thought I was hearing something incorrectly. I thought he said, "We've got to learn to Reduce, reuse, recycle". (very confused, we recycle, but we're not all that great at it, but we're trying) I asked what he was saying and of course the response was one of confusion on his part. He thought everyone knew this song. Well he proceeded to explain that the song was a Jack Johnson song from Curious George. I was not familiar with this tune(however, we love Upside down, could listen to it again and again) and asked him if he understood what reduce,reuse, and recycle meant and in the quick witted Will fashion he began with an example for reduce and then moved onto the other two. I guess I had a little lesson that day. It did make me think about our lifestyle. How often do I think in terms of reducing and reusing things. Recycling has been on our radar, but what can we do as a family to reduce and reuse? Maybe Will has some ideas.

Three it's a magic number

Yes it is, it's a magic number

Because two times three is six

And three times six is eighteen

And the eighteenth letter in the alphabet is R

We've got three R's we're going to talk about today

We've got to learn to

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

If you're going to the market to buy some juice

You've got to bring your own bags and you learn to reduce your waste

And if your brother or your sister's got some cool clothes

You could try them on before you buy some more of those

Reuse, we've got to learn to reuse

And if the first two R's don't work out

And if you've got to make some trash

Don't throw it out

Recycle, we've got to learn to recycle,

We've got to learn to

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Because three it's a magic number

Yes it is, it's a magic number

3, 3, 3

3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 30, 33, 36

33, 30, 27, 24, 21, 18, 15, 12, 9, 6,

and 3, it's a magic number

Who Needs The ABC Song

Who needs the ABC song when you can listen to Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues. We love to introduce all kinds of music to our kids, but who knew that Pierson's new favorite song would be this one (his Dad would have). As soon as the song begins to play, Pierson does a little chicken dance and can't stop laughing and clapping his hands. I know his Dad has always thought Dylan was great, but this was a little hard to believe. I guess going from the poetry of Eugene Field(Wynken, Blynken, and Nod) to the poetry of Bob Dylan isn't so bad (Hey whatever works to make the kid happy). Not only do I have to get my fill of Dylan from Barry, but now the other two boys in the house love him as well. By the way, Will thinks he is Bob Dylan. His new favorite song, Mr. Tambourine Man, imagine that on repeat. I guess I should join the band wagon, I always have been a follower or maybe I don't really have a choice.

"I'm Loosing My Mind"

"I'm loosing my mind, I'm loosing my mind, I'm loosing my mind." I heard my soon to be 4 year old screaming this from the top of his lungs. I wasn't sure if I should be alarmed or die laughing. I immediately asked him, "what are you saying?" (All the while thinking how could he be reading my mind.) He ignored me and continued this silly rant. I asked again and he replied in a very matter of fact way, "Mommy, I'm loosing my mind." I wanted to know where he heard this and before the words completely exited my mouth, I heard, "Rabbit, of course."

We're big Winnie the Pooh fans and whatever Pooh and his friends do, we do. Together at the top of our lungs we screamed, "I'm Loosing My Mind." If Will only knew how many times I've felt like that. Fortunately, I've got the excuse now to loose my mind with a little laughter and silliness.

A Thorn

The other day I was watching a chapel service from Wheaton College and the speaker was Steve Saint, son of Nate Saint. He recited the following poem by an unknown author.

"I stood, a mendicant of God, before His royal throne and begged Him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own. I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart, I cried, ‘But Lord, this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart. This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given me.’ He said, ‘My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee.’

I took it home, and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore, as long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more. I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace: He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil that hides His face."

In our trials and struggles, God is with us and loves us so very deeply. I don't completely understand my God, but I do know that He is here.

Christmas Reflection

The other day I was watching one of those early morning news shows and was struck in a profound way by one of those "silly" segments. The premise of the segment was doing kind things for others without expecting anything in return. They had some great ideas, leaving change in the soda machine for the next person, paying for the car behind you in the drive thru, or giving cookies to the local fire station. I thought what great ideas, "how kind." It was really interesting to see a "secular" news station encouraging such behavior. I really began to think about this concept and how it related to my own life. Do I do these types of things because that is what I'm "called" to do as Christian or do I even do them at all? A few days later I found myself looking at Luke 6: 27-36(The Message):

"To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior. Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, do you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-Mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.

"I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return, You'll never-I-promise regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind. "

The more I've reflected on this particular scripture, I've recognized,"what a sinner I am." I've also come to understand more and more that I can not love and serve others on my own. I must live by the Spirit. Without the Spirit, I'm useless. The following is a prayer I came across Praying With the Word: Advent, Christmas and Epiphany. It confesses my sin more clearly than I could ever hope to.

Dear God,

during Advent you are so direct.

You do not beat around the bush,

you say what you mean.

Your word makes me squirm

and challenges me deeply.

You remind me that talk is cheap,

that words mean nothing.

It is, rather

how I live my life that counts.

All my praying means nothing

unless I respond with the totality

of my life

and reach out and follow you

with all my energy.

I talk a good line at times

and fool those aroundme

with my lofty thoughts and ideals.

But I cannot fool you.

I cannot run from you-

for you are total light,

total truth.

You alone know my true thoughts

and motives.

I cry out to you:

"purify my heart

and help me build a strong house,

a house of rock,

built upon your foundation alone."

Then, when the rains and floods

of my selfishness and dishonesty

rage upon me,

I may stand firm

and do your will.

Then your light,

and mine as well,

will truly shine. Amen.

Advent Dilemma Solved

In an earlier post I talked about what we were doing as a family for Advent, one of the activities did not go exactly as planned. Mary and Joseph were on a journey to Bethlehem, when Mary came up missing. We searched and searched for her, but were unable to find her. Meanwhile, Will had an awesome idea, why not substitute Mary for another figure. His idea was interesting, Anakin Skywalker takes Mary’s place. Why not, Will was so desperate to get to the manger, anything would work. I thought that probably Anakin Skywalker was not the best choice for the Mary part, but he was on to something. Will conceded to the idea of giving up Anakin for another figure. He decided on Sonya Lee (McDonalds Little People, we spend a little too much time and money here). I thought that a little girl holding a shake and fries, was somewhat better than the figure who would become Darth Vader. Maybe Mary will turn up, but for now Mary (Sonya Lee) and Joseph will end up at the manger, hopefully with no other substitutes.

Priceless

(I'm not so sure the man taking the picture thought it was when he had to do a little jig for our kids.)

This was as close as Pierson was going to get to that man in the red suit. He thought he would let his big brother take care of his list.

Hmmm, "What do I want for Christmas? I guess a red wagon. I can hardly believe I'm talking to Santa."

We Love Santa

We got Daddy to take a much needed dissertation break and headed to Chicago’s Marshall Fields. Unfortunately, this is Marshall Fields last year on State Street, as Marshall Fields. It was sold to Macys and will be wearing the Macy logo next year.

Everyone who lives in Chicago and the nearby suburbs makes the big trip to the State Street store for an all day Christmas adventure. First, we are always struck by the size of Marshall Fields, it’s the 2nd largest dept. store, right behind Macys in New York City. As you move through the crowds of people you come to their window displays, beginning from one end of the block and wrapping around to the other. This year’s display was Cinderella, amazing as usual.

Once you are officially frozen and can’t handle the river of people, you head inside. Once inside removing the coats, gloves, hats, etc…. is a real pain, not to mention where to put it all. From there we head straight to Santa. Fortunately, we were there on a Tue and walked straight through Santa land and directly to Santa’s chair. This was our second year to visit the Marshall Fields Santa and had already felt as if we had some sort of tradition going, but this would be the last year with the Marshall Fields Santa and maybe our last year in Chicago. The kids did great. Pierson was not sure about a bearded man other than his dad, but did ok. He waited to have his breakdown after we got that first and only picture. Will seemed to be in awe of the bearded man. He just looked at him with amazement. He could hardly believe Santa had come all the way from the North Pole to see him. We could hardly believe what he had asked Santa to bring him. I think because he was so nervous he just started to ramble, saying something about a wagon (never talked about this before) and a variety of other unknown toys. Fortunately, the bearded man helped remedy this and asked Will to repeat the list to us so that mom and dad could remind Santa. Like those cheesy commercials, this was priceless. There is something truly magical about the city, even if it is freezing.

By the way, we had to put all those “wonderful” winter clothes back on and needless to say the people in the makeup department (next to the door) were not so pleased we were putting the clothes back on. Actually, I think everyone in Marshall Fields would have preferred we not put the coats, hats, glove, etc…. back on.

It's Freezing in Chicago

Pierson's first experience in below freezing temp. Is Santa really worth all of this?

I Love Dan Zanes

You might ask,"who is Dan Zanes?" He is probably one of the best musicians out there playing kids music. A few months ago we attended one of his concerts (Old Town School of Folk Music,Chicago.Fantastic venue). What a fantastic experience. After the first few minutes I thought,"who cares if my kids don't like him, I LOVE HIM" (they loved him too, by the way).

If you follow music at all you might recognize the name from a band in the 80s, the Del Fuegoes. After having a child Dan realized there was nothing decent out there for kids to listen to so he turned his attention to entertaining kids. He and his band (many dressed as if a 3 year old might have dressed them) play all types of instruments, from the guitar to the mandolin to the upright bass (by the end of the concert, the band had played a dozen different instruments). If you're not drawn to the music, Dan's suits will definitely grab your attention, not to mention the crazy do on top of his head (which I love - my hair looks just like his in the morning too). Dan not only plays your typical folk music with a little spice, but he also borrows from other cultures, my favorite being Father Goose. Father Goose puts a little twist on our favorite nursery rhymes with a Jamaican flavor.

You know you love something when you download the songs onto your ipod and listen even when the kids aren't around. I should have known I would be a fan when Sheryl Crow does a duet with Dan, singing Polly Wolly Doodle all Day. Dan rocks! He even has inspired me to learn to play the mandolin. I don't think I'll be hitting the road any time soon.

My favorite:
Dan Zanes and Friends:House Party

Advent

My friend Chris McGregor has a nice post about Christmas on his blog called "Reclaiming the Center." I responded with a run down of what we've been doing to "reclaim the center" this advent season. Here's what I wrote:

This is our first year to really focus on advent (even though I grew up as a PK, advent was completely foreign to me). Barry and I really wanted to try and reclaim some church tradition that somehow has been lost. As I researched advent I really became very excited - the idea of the anticipation of Christ’s birth, but not just that, the anticipation of Christ’s return.

I was unsure where to begin so I took a trip to the local Christian book stores, with not much luck. Veggie tales in the manger was not what I was looking for. From there I headed to the Catholic bookstore. They had so much stuff (not just catholic publishers, but a wide array of Christian publishers). Will helped out with choosing your typical advent calendar, which he has loved. I found a book of prayers we read with each meal, Praying With the Word by David Haas. The prayers accompany scripture for each day. The prayers are well written and cause much reflection. We are also using an advent wreath, lighting it with every meal (symbolizing the light of Christ coming into the world). I try to do an activity with Will with each day of advent, hopefully to create a sense of anticipation. On the 12th day before Christmas we will begin making an ornament each day until Christmas. Often called the Jesse tree, this tradition remembers all those people who went before Jesus and helped to prepare the way. The Jesse reference is King David’s father, Isaiah 11:1. We are beginning with Adam and Eve and will end with an ornament of the Christ child. Last but not least, the Creche (nativity). We purchased an inexpensive manger and figures. Will takes Joseph, Mary, and donkey on a journey on the days before Christmas with them arriving Christmas Eve. Now one has to remember things may go wrong with this particular activity. Losing a figure may become a problem. Will was so excited that he wanted to play with the figures all day everyday, with that, he lost Mary. He thought no big deal lets just substitute Mary for another figure, his McDonald’s Anakin Skywalker. The only thing he wanted to do was get to that manger with Mary or without her (fun with Will). Advent has been fun, hopefully we’ll find Mary and she’ll make it to the manger.

*Praying With The Word: Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany* by David Haas
*All Through the Day, All Through the Year: Family Prayers and Celebrations* by David B. Batchelder
*Before and After Christmas: Activities and Ideas-Advent and Epiphany* by Debbie Trafton O’Neal

You Never Know Who's Watching

Why do I do, what I do, when it comes to my parenting? I think I can give a simple answer, because of one of my dearest friends. A child’s spiritual formation is the most important part of their overall development and it is our responsibility as parents to help nurture this. My first exposure to such a thing was with this special friend. She had just had her first child (one that had been so desperately prayed for). I noticed that she made a point of praying with her little girl from the very beginning. When I say beginning, I mean day one. When my husband and I (before our kids were around) would spend time with this couple it seemed to be right before their little girls bedtime, that’s when I saw and heard the beautiful prayers. I don’t think she knows what her example has done for me and my parenting, but it made me evaluate my own thinking. So many parents believe that a child’s spiritual journey does not begin until the moment she becomes a believer. I however, believe it is a journey that not only begins before birth, but also at the moment that child appears on the scene. Being a mother is sometimes a daunting task, but I do know that in the small things, like prayer, God will show up in a big way,in my life and in my child's. I guess it is true that you never know who’s watching, so thanks Lea, you’re an awesome mom.

Good Name

I overheard Will playing today and thought it sounded kind of interesting. I asked him what he was doing. He said that his frog was, "planting a church." (Yes he said planting a church) I asked if this church had a name and he responded with, "of course it does." He proceeded to tell me the name was "Blessed are the Poor in Spirit." Wow what a name.

It's Hard To Be Three

I can't begin to think of all the times I have said to Will, "I understand it's hard being three." For some reason in mid meltdown mode this seems to calm him down. Lately, I've thought it's really hard being a Christian and would love to hear, "I understand." I guess it's sometimes hard to understand what God is trying to do. This week a friend told me a story about her brother and his little girl. The little girl was born with down syndrome and later was found to have leukemia. As she told the story my heart began to break. This little girl only lived 5 years and never walked. The day she passed away her father spent time just dancing with her as he held her little body. I can't understand this, but her family knows they will see her again and see their little girl dance. Sometimes I question a God who would allow this or allow a father to be killed and leave behind three children. It's so hard to understand God and His will here on earth. People respond with rote answers or even explain away the pain and suffering we feel. I do know that God loves His children. I believe God knew that we would struggle understanding Him and His desires for us. He knew that he would have to remind somebody like myself with His word, (knew I too would be a doubting Thomas) John 20:31, “These things were written that you believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that, believing, you may have life in his name.” I know that if I want to be reminded of His understanding and His love I have to return to His word. Christ understands my pain because he has entered into my pain. So just like Will, it's nice to know I have Someone who understands and sometimes I need to hear it (read it) over and over again.

Don't Put Words In My Mouth

I know this is only my second post and I'm returning to yet the same subject, my son. When I really think about life with him I can't help but reflect on the things I learn on a daily basis.

We have recently returned from a mini vacation to Iowa... (yes, Iowa!) corn, corn, and more corn. However, we made a unexpected stop, The St.Francis Xavier Basilica in Dyersville, Iowa. We had to take turns going in because of the kids. Instead of going in alone, I decided to ask my 3 year old if he wanted to go with me. Of course he said yes, anything to get out of that awful car seat. As we walked in I realized it was a few minutes before Sat night mass and I had a small child who had never been in a church quite like this one.(not so sure what he might do) The church was a magnificent place, something you might see in Europe (yes, in Iowa!). I think we were a little awe struck by its beauty. We both responded with complete silence(a very difficult thing to do for this child). As we moved to the front we observed many people kneeling and praying. We sat down and I asked Will if he wanted to pray and immediately he bowed his head and clasped his fingers as if he had been there before and began praying. It was a very short prayer, but very specific and to the point.

Dear God,
Please help those individuals who were affected by the hurricane and the tsunami and thank you for sending your Son to be on that cross. In His name.
Amen.

I looked at him and thought what an interesting way to word a prayer for a 3 year old and then realized this was the way his daddy prayed. For a split second I thought about asking him to change his words, thinking he needed to use his own words, not daddy's, but I stopped myself.(thank God) Later that day I thought more about his prayer and realized he was repeating what was modeled for him. My mind immediately went to Matthew 5 and the prayer Christ taught His disciples.

Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be Your name
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
Amen

For a moment I thought we were putting words into Will's mouth. But wasn't that what Christ did for me. He gave me the words, the guideline, the example. Most of the time my prayers are so shallow, all about me. Lord, remind me to meditate on your words and not my own.

Who's Teaching Who

Life with Will is always an interesting one. Everyday I find God using this little man to teach me many things and today was one of those days. As parents we find ourselves doing anything we can to teach our children we sometimes say and do things before thinking which a lot of times seem to back fire, but today was a different story.

The art of the meltdown is something that every 3 year old knows well and with my little man not being an exception. At the beginning of the week I had a brilliant idea, no TV for a week(every mother knows I'm out of my mind). What was I thinking. All I did know was that every time my child became engrossed in a show he became either a zombie or an addict waiting for his next fix. With that said I knew I needed to do something. The first day was easy, no shows all day. Now he had no idea what I was doing because we were so busy he had no time to think about it and I conveniently forgot to tell him. It was the 2nd day when the volcano erupted. When he was told there was no TV, but what fun you can have with all of your wonderful toys and books. The tears came and came and came and in the middle I said something that got his attention immediately(which caught me off guard), I said "we're fasting from the TV this week." His eyes looked in my direction wanting to hear more and with questions flying out so quickly I could hardly answer fast enough. "What's fasting?" I began to explain in a very 3 year old kind of way, a time we do without something so that we can focus on God. I continued to say that many people fast from food, but we were fasting from the TV. He interjected, but this is to hard and began to cry again. I explained that it is in the difficult times like this that God wants to hear from us and be close to us so He can comfort and love us. I told him that he could tell God that this hurts and I can't do this alone. I asked him if he wanted to find a quiet place in our house to go and be with God. Now mind you I thought this was going in one ear and out the other, but immediately he turned around and ran to his room. I could hear him talking to God, I'm not sure what he was saying, but he came running back into the room with his favorite dog(Brownie) with a joy that I can not explain and with a smile like no other. Later that day he said I'm not crying anymore mommy, God answered my prayer. From that point on his focus had changed. I thought to myself am I willing to immediately go to God with my hurts, struggles, and challenges. The answer unfortunately is no. There was no question in Will's mind that God hears him. Do I believe God hears me. Today I say yes, but tomorrow what will I think. Hopefully, I can remember how quickly Will ran to the Father.