The great thing about my dad is his memory. The stories he tells about "his little girl" have always been really special. I can always count on some sort of story. One story in particular that he loves to tell again and again was the time I decided to share a little ice cream with him. According to my dad I quietly (I'm never quiet) came into the living room with two spoons in one hand and a gallon of ice cream in another (I'm not quite sure why a five year old was able to get a gallon of ice cream without anyone intervening). I then proceeded to climb into his lap, give him a spoon, open the ice cream, and begin to eat and at the same time never saying a word.
A few months ago I got a phone call that I would never forget. My father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I walked around in disbelief. Not my dad. Surely this diagnosis can't be correct. I think my whole family thought this, maybe even my parents. The doctor said he was in the early stages. I thought we had plenty of time. Things changed a few weeks ago. My father became ill and his mental state went down quickly. It really through me for a loop. I couldn't believe this was happening. Again I was in disbelief. During this time I was reading a book by Tony Jones "The Sacred Way". The spiritual practices that Jones discusses have been very helpful like the Jesus prayer: Lord Jesus Christ son of the living God have mercy on me a sinner. When fear began to consume me I repeated this again and again. What a fantastic way to reorient myself to God. I think the thing that was most profound was this prayer by Ignatius:
Take, Lord, all my freedom. Accept all my memory, intellect, and will. All that I have or possess, you have given to me; all I give back to you, and give up then to be governed by your will. Grant me only the grace to love you, and I am sufficiently rich so that I do not ask for anything else.
Accept all my memory-I knew God was speaking to me. Those precious memories that my dad so often spoke of were not mine and they were not his. Our memories don't belong to us, they belong to the Lord. What a big idea to swallow. It was hard to accept and is hard to accept, but is strangely comforting. I don't understand this but I know that I can trust my God and He's in control. I love how Matthew 6:34 is worded in the Message:
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
I'm not sure what tomorrow holds. My father has again taken another difficult turn. My prayer today is O God, come to my assistance; O Lord, make haste to help my father.
